Constant cries filled the room as I stood there holding the most beautiful brown haired, black eyed baby. Cold concrete walls and floors caving in around me. My heart ached as I realized the pain that plagued the rooms of the orphanage I stood in. Many of the children too young to even comprehend the reality surrounding them, while others knew exactly that the classification of “abandoned and orphaned” would forever identify them. So many innocent lives desperate for someone to call them their own, yet no one willing or available to do so.
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There she stood. Helpless. Hopeless. And in utter desperation. The issue she had lived with her whole life had completely consumed her. It was the very thing that robbed her of her livelihood. In the Gospels we read of this woman with a very serious issue. An issue that persisted for twelve long years; constant bleeding. We are told that she sought healing from doctors, yet she didn’t get any better.

I’ve found myself in situations where I’ve attempted many remedies for uncontrollable circumstances, yet hope, healing, and peace was no where to be found. I’ve found myself in moments so low that I felt knocked down and unable to recover. So what do we do in moments of desperation?

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We all have something in our life that terrifies us. For me, that thing was turning 30! And anyone who knows me, knows that I was practically on the verge of a meltdown because of it. I spent the last decade of my life planning how I would so magically usher in this dreaded age (married with kids and all, of course). As I inched my way towards ‘the day,’ (cue the horror music) it had become the worst birthday ever. I had anxiety over this day. It was all I could think about. All day, everyday. My life was over as I knew it. All this fear because my reality hadn’t aligned with my ‘dreams.’ There were specific things I had waited for my whole life that hadn’t been fulfilled yet, and the thought of turning 30 without those things  threw me for a tail spin.

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Starting The Beauty Project has been a dream tucked into the forefront of my heart for many years. Now you may think, “it’s just another blog, what’s the big deal?” It took a lot of encouragement, prayer, and courage to start “just another blog.” All the fears behind it surfaced continuously. Yet, I know that God is calling me to use my love for writing and my story for something greater. So here I am, writing with a purpose that I know is bigger than myself coupled with a great desire to share the love of Christ.

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